I dunno what suddenly made me want to admit this after all this time, maybe its because I could really never come to terms with myself that this is who i am, maybe its because i’m frustrated about having constantly to live the lie for my entire life up till now, because I can’t be myself around others, to afraid of what others would think if they knew (I think it’s all of the above). I reliase now at a mature age (..well relatively mature) that if my friends are my friends because of the person I am then I hope they will accept what I am about to reveal, if not then I shall surely discover who are and who are not my friends in my life. I find this extremly hard to write, not just because I’ve been covering myself from the world for too long, but because I am human, I do have feelings like everyone else and yes, I do care about what you think.
I am NOT writing this because I want you to sorry for me or any crap like that. This is NOT going to be a lame and saddest recount of my life. This is for me to finally admit to myself who I am and admiting my background and for you the readers to witness as proof of my admitance to myself. The main purpose to why I created this blog two years ago is finally going to take hold!
I wrote a post a while back on how if I want to become a social worker I need to be a stronger person and deal with my own demons first before I can help others, I believe this will help me in becoming one step closer to achieving this.
So here I go…
As a kid I lived in a fast-moving world, where sounds, images, and thoughts were constantly shifting. I became bored easily, and I found it impossible to keep my mind on tasks I needed to complete. Distracted by unimportant sights and sounds, my mind drove me from one thought or activity to the next. I was driven to move, unable to stay still for long and I impulsively respond to events around me without even stopping to consider consequences. Perhaps I was so wrapped up in this confused world of thoughts, images and feelings that I didn’t even notice when someone was speaking to me, and I soon forgot what was asked of me. I was so forgetful I couldn’t even remember the simplest daily routine activities. Hence still to this day, as a adult I am still like this. As a child I was constantly getting trouble for not listening and following instructions, this wasn’t my fault, I couldn’t control it. It was not as if I chose not to, but rather found myself unable to at time.
Growing up I had always thought of my “disorder” as a curse, while the majority of others thought of it as a disability, I know now that it is neither both. Growing up I felt on many of occassions that I was misunderstood, I never used to keep it a secret back then, it was only till I saw how people were treating me, that it was the decision of me and my family to keep it secret. I kept it a secret for soo long that.. well I started to believe I never had it and it never existed, but somehow I always kept getting reminded in some form or another, and then I would remember the label that I had been diagniosed with at the age of 4 yrs.
Begining highschool for me was pretty much life changing, in comparison to the life I had been leading in primary school. Nobody knew who I was, so I was able to make a fresh start. All the way from year 7 to year 12 was bliss, except for what happened in year 9. Year 9 to much of my dismay was not a good year. I do not really want to recall such memories but the experiences I learnt back then have shown me that, yes friends are an intergal part of my life, and I do not know what I would have done if I hadn’t had my best two friends Scott and Madi by my side everystep of the way. Most people when asked if they enjoy their highschool years say that it was a dreadful experience. To me highschool have been the best years of my life so far, having had more positive memories than bad ones, highschool enabled me to form two strong friendships that I’m sure will continue for many, many years to come.
During my highschool years i have found that I was more able to control myself… i am not sure why, maybe because i was growing older and more mature. Taekwondo helped me heaps in primary school control the impulsive actions and helped me to slow things down, to a level that I could think about what I was doing before i did it. Taekwondo in my highschool years helped me to refine those skills, I believe it has made me the content and open-minded person I am today.
Today I am me, and i am still living in the fast moving world, still very forgetful, find that I procrastinate way too much. I find that I am indecisive and have difficulty shifting attention from one task to another. I find it hard to concentrate. My whole life I have been taking medication, which up untill last year has stopped working the way it is supposed to. However I am determined to persue my dreams in changing the world, I will not let this obstacle stand in my way, I definitely will not.
My name is Aaron, and yes I do indeed have AADD (Adult Attention Deficit Disorder).
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